


You and Me

by Virtuallyinlove



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Bullying, Discrimination, Football, Heartbreak, M/M, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-07 06:04:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10353786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Virtuallyinlove/pseuds/Virtuallyinlove
Summary: “Eric neither of us are gay. I'm with Ruby, just remember that”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Look at the end of the chapter for my notes.

“I have feelings for you, I've been trying to fight them off but I can't anymore. I just need to know if you feel the same for me.” Eric says on a Tuesday afternoon over at Dele's place. 

 

“What are you talking about? Neither of us are gay, we are best friends for god's sake” Dele says, takes a breath and continues with “we do everything together, you and me, you're the best and closest friend I have. How could you just wanna throw all that away?”

 

“It's just that Dele. We do everything together, you and me. You're the first person I turn to, whenever something happens in my life, good or bad, you are the first person I wanna talk to. We already love each other. Dele come on.” 

 

“Eric neither of us are gay. I'm with Ruby, just remember that”

 

“How much time do you actually spend with her? You diss her almost every time to hangout with me.” 

 

“Eric, I like her…” 

 

“Why her? Why not me?” Eric says with the most heartbreaking tone ever, a loud crack in his voice and trembling hands. 

 

“Eric, I'm sorry”

 

Dele watches Eric takes his coat off the clothes hanger. Dele watches Eric putting on his shoes, and pushing his gloves in his pocket. Dele watched Eric's eyes glossy, he got to witness his best friends heart break, all because of him.  And he still does _ nothing.  _ He just watches him, he feels empty. He tries to say something… _anything,_ but not a single word comes out of his mouth. Instead he gets to watch Eric get out of the door to Dele's house and probably his life too…  _ forever _ . And Eric won't, probably not ever forgive him for all the shit Dele said.

 

20 minutes later Eric stands in front of Sonny's apartment in central London. With tears on his cheeks and red puffy eyes, his hand trembles when he knocks loud on the wooden door. A minute goes by and he hopes that Sonny is home, by the looks of it, he should be because of the lights in the kitchen and down the hallway from what Eric can see through the wooden doors window. 

Eric certainly isn't surprised when Kevin Wimmer, Sonny's best friend, opens the door. 

“Oiiii, Eric mate!” Sonny appears down the hallway, but as soon as he see's Eric in focus his whole face expression takes a turn. “What's wrong? What happened?” 

Eric doesn't say a word, he just follows Sonny inside to the living room area and his tears begins to slip once again.

 

“It's Dele, isn't it?” Son says

Eric doesn't say anything more than nod his head like it's a “yes” 

“What happened? Is he okay? Is he in a accident? Are you okay?” Son talks too fast. 

“I love him” Eric didn't prepare to say those words out loud but he did and his tears still slips down his cheeks and his bottom lip is trembling. 

Kevin puts a blanket around Eric's shoulders for him to get a little bit warmer and gives his shoulder a light squeeze.

“I know you do” Son admits. 

“You do?” 

“Yes, it's been obvious for me a little while. Me and Kevin have been speculating about it, but I didn't wanna put on too much pressure asking about it or whatever.”

Eric doesn't answer, he just listens to Sonny's words and start to realise that he and Dele have been very intimidating lately in training and quite a few of the boys had made jokes about that the two of them shall "get a room."  It had always been a little hard for Eric to play along with the jokes, because he did want to get a room with Dele. Every time Dele looked into Eric's eyes... Eric fell harder for him. It's not until now that it hits him that everything will be different from now on, there won't be anymore more messing around in training, there won't be anymore hanging out at each others places outside of football. There won't be anymore instastories when they are being silly and playing games of "who is telling the truth or not" weeks.  _ Everything will be different.  _

_ Everything became different too. _ __ Weeks passed without them talking, it was at the end of the season but Eric's heart broke every time he looked over on Dele.  Dele however didn't see too bothered according to Eric's analysis. He paired up with Kane on every training for stretches.  And Eric.. well he himself wanted to join Sonny but Sonny did everything with Kevin. So he paired up with the new guy, Vincent Janssen. He haven't got to play a lot, awfully little to be honest and seemed to be an alright lad. Eric came out to him when Vincent asked him if he wanted to hangout at his place after the training. He was surprisingly cool with it and gave him his support, completely the opposite of what Dele did. 

"So that's why you're not hanging out with Dele anymore? Because you guys broke up?" 

"What?" 

"Yeah, you guys were in a secret relationship…  I guess?" 

"What? No. Dele has a girlfriend, he's not even gay." 

"Really? I thought he just "dated" her for publicity." 

"No, he told me that he isn't gay and that I'm not either." 

"Seriously? What a shit friend. Don't listen to him man, he can't possibly know what you are or aren't" 

"Thanks, you're a great friend." Eric said and accepted Vincent's hug in the middle of their game of FIFA. Which Eric was totally losing by the way, the scores were 3-0 for Vincent with 15 minutes left.

That's when Eric's phone buzzes.  Eric freezes in his tracks when he see's the name "Delboy" light up on the screen and a four word message appear alongside it, "We need to talk" it says.  

Eric dosen't answer. He ignores it, and decides to sleepover at Vincent's place that night for moral support.

The look of shock is an understatement when you see the expression on Dele's face the next morning when Eric arrives in Vincent's car to training. Eric has planned to stay away from Dele and remain as close to Vincent as possible.  The whole plan crashes when Eric and Vincent get teamed up with Dele and a few other of the lads for small team games on two goals at the end of the training.

At first they just ignore each other until Dele runs past Eric saying,  "You didn't answer my message last night" 

"Didn't have a reason to, did I?" 

"So you're just gonna ignore me? Is he your new best friend then?" Dele says and points towards Vincent.

"No Dele. He is a friend who actually accepts and supports me." 

"You told him?" 

"Yes, why wouldn't I?" 

"But you're not gay?" 

"Are you serious? What a shit friend. Telling me what I am or what I'm not." Eric almost screams 

"Eric come on." 

 

"Leave him alone" Vincent now joins the conversation and brings Eric beside him. Vincent looks into Eric's eyes and searches for a reason to leave the training ground and bring Eric to the locker room. He gets the confirm when he see's a single tear run down Eric's cheek. He keeps him close and puts an arm around his shoulders and keep it there all the way to the locker room. Eric breaks down in front of him, and Vincent holds him close. He hugs him and whispers comforting words to Eric, soon enough his sobbing runs out and becomes small sniffles instead.  Vincent drives him home and asks if Eric wants him to stay. Eric respectfully declines the offer and tells him that he would like to take some time for himself but that he would like if Vincent joins him for take out food tonight.

 

Eric turned off his phone on the way home, and when he turns it on again it is spammed with missed calls and messages, mostly from Dele and a few messages from the other team mates as well. Even Vincent sent him a message saying "Don't ever feel like you need to change, not for him, not for anybody. See you tonight, I'll bring Chinese food from my neighbourhood. They have the best in town." 

Eric taps on his screen a few times and sent a quick "thank you, you're a true friend. Come around 7."

Five minutes later his phone buzzes again and he receives a message from Vincent with the emoji "❤". 

He falls asleep with a smile on his face but a broken heart. And he is exhausted, exhausted from fighting with Dele and exhausted from crying his eyes out earlier. 

He wakes up from loud knocks on his door and checks his phone for the time, 19.15 the screen lights up. He runs to the door and smiles when he see's Vincent on the other side of the door. 

"How long have you been standing here??" Eric asks 

"Just a minute, less than a minute. Did I wake you up?" 

"Yeah, I was sleeping but I'm starving come in." Eric says and steps a side.

15 minutes into the dinner his phone starts buzzing. "Walker" lights up on his screen.

"Hello" 

"So you're answering when he calls but not when I do" 

**Dele.**

Eric clicks on the "end the phone call button" and turns his phone off. 

Vincent sleepover that night and listens to Eric talking about his emotions, he get's some things out of his chest and tries to work out the thoughts inside his head.  Vincent gives him his support once again and listens to every single word, gives some advice and promise Eric to stay beside his side always. 

The next day at training Pochettino calls in all the boys into their locker room for a talk. He starts off the conversation by explaining that the incident which occurred at yesterday's training is unacceptable. Eric keeps his gaze to the floor during the entire time that Pochettino talks. He feels Vincent's arm around his shoulders and in the first time for weeks, he feels…   _ safe _ .

It's not until Pochettino is asking everyone to leave the dressing room in addition to Eric and Dele to remain behind that makes Eric react at all.  Everyone starts to get up, and even Vincent realises that he can't fight against their manager.

"Are you gonna be okay? I will find myself just outside if there is anything, he says and pulls Eric in an one-arm hug.

"I will be" Eric says with a shaky voice and turns towards Pochettino, giving him a half smile.

"Guys. I don’t know what happened between you two, but this situation was unacceptable.  You are teammates and whatever happens off the field should not affect you during training or games. How do you think this will affect everyone else? I got lots of troubled assertion of other leaders of the association, worryingly speaking about that this is going to affect the future.  

Eric says nothing, but hears Dele swallow hard with less than 1 meter margin away. "this goes by unpunished, but it must not happen again. Is that understood? "  Dele answer "Yes sir," while Eric continues to be quiet. "Eric?" Pochettino says. “What?” Eric says with a cold tone. “Is that understood?” “Yes” Eric says coldly. Eric stays behind a minute afterwards and talks with Pochettino saying that he would appreciate if Dele and him didn't end up in the same team in future events for the sake of the team. “Why not? You two work well together” Every single word hurts. “Because, it hurts. He hurts me, he is being homophobic and I don’t think that is appropriate.” Eric notes. 

“Okay. I take this very seriously. I want you to know that I give you my whole support. Football is no place for homophobia.” Pochettino says and hugs Eric tight before he demands Eric to join the others in the training that will start in about ten minutes.

 

“Are you okay?” Vincent says and looks into Eric’s eyes. 

“I feel better than I did yesterday, not okay, but I will be with time” Eric says as he and Vincent begins to walk towards the field and stops to fill their water bottles. 

Pochettino pairs up Vincent with Kane for an assault exercise. Eric gets to build a pair with Son, meanwhile Wimmer gets to be paired up with Ben Davies. He notice that Dele is the only one that remains without a partner and he gets some feelings of guilt, he normally pairs up with Dele but that was more than 3 weeks ago now. He can hear Pochettino say “You can go to which group you would like to join Dele. It is okay to be three.” Dele begins walking towards Sonny and Eric’s heart is beating out of his chest. Before Dele stops and takes three steps to the left to join Walker and Rose. Phew. Eric can breath out and let go of the panic that he kept inside. 

 

"You really don't wanna talk to me?" 

**Dele.**  

"No. Is it so hard for you to let me be. You've done enough harm." 

"So, you are just gonna diss me to be best friends with Vincent?"

"No. Maybe. Why do you even care anyways?" 

"Because... Whatever, I'll just leave you alone." Dele says and leaves Eric alone in the locker room all by himself. This time, Eric dosen't cry. Eric just packs his stuff in his bag and leaves. He walks towards the parking lot, now with tears streaming down his cheeks... at some point he loses his balance and everything becomes black. 

 

 


	2. Champions League draw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you feeling okay sir?" The doctor with the name tag "Dele" asks, of fucking course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at the end of the chapter for my notes.

When Eric wakes up he doesn’t recognise the room he finds himself in, it’s all white, it feels like a hospital and he finds himself in a small not so comfortable bed. Beside him Janssen is asleep in a small hospital chair with his head resting against the end of the bed. A feeling of happiness and sorrow fills Eric’s chest. Happiness for his only friend accepting him being there, and sorrow for it to not being Dele. Will he ever stop feeling this way? Stuck in a destructive pattern, feeling like most of the time it’s night black. He turns his head to the left, and looks out of the big glass window facing the hospital corridor. A nurse catches his eyes eventually and soon enough herself and a male, probably a doctor, opens the door to his room. 

"Are you feeling okay sir?" The doctor with the name tag "Dele" asks, _of fucking course_. 

"Yeah, I just feel tired." 

"That’s totally normal. Do you remember anything from the incident?" 

"No. Or, I only remember losing my balance and then everything became black." 

"Okay, we are pretty sure that you had some kind of panic attack. Have you had these before?" The doctor asks with a peculiar look on his face. 

"No, I don’t think so." Eric confirms 

"Alright, they’re not dangerous or so but we were a bit concerned when your some guy brought you in here and told us that you had passed out outside your training ground. We gave you some tranquilizers to help your body regain its balance. You've been here a couple of hours, your buddy next to you came for about 3 hours ago. 30 minutes after you came in here." The doctor says. 

"What?" Eric certainly spoke out loud there and the nurse and doctor looks at him with a concerned look, once again. 

"What do you mean what?" The doctor asks. 

"Who brought me here if my mate did not?" Eric says, and now Vincent wakes up too. His face looks hilarious and Eric manages to laugh a little, it feels like the first time in ages. 

"Dele did" Vincent says. 

"What?" 

"Dele found you in the parking lot at the training ground. He was still in his car when he saw that you came, and called me when he left you here. He probably didn’t want you to see him as the first person when you woke up." 

"Thank you for telling me." 

Eric turns his head to the right, away from Vincent and see’s his phone on the cheap bedside table. He turns it on and it immediately blows up with messages and missed calls from a lot of the boys. But only one caught his eyes. 

Delboy income message at 19.03, "I’m so sorry Eric. I’ll move club or something, I will never ever forgive myself. I love you... always." 

 _"I love you... always."_ It sticks with Eric for the the rest of the day, even when Vincent tries to speak about it, which Eric is too tired to do, he can’t stop thinking about it. Then it hits him,  _but not in that way._ Dele isn’t gay, he made it pretty clear that he wasn’t and that he certainly doesn’t support Eric for liking guys either. Eric also starts thinking about what a single text message could mean. He doesn’t care what other people thinks about him, he cares of what Dele thinks of him.. and now that he knows, Dele thinks he is a loser. He responds to Dele’s text message with a mature tone and writes "You didn’t even have the guts to tell what you thought of me to my face. How could you expect me to ever forgive you. Do the right thing, man up. I don’t wanna talk to you, ever, again." 

 

 

Dele moved clubs. During the summer transfer window he accepted his bid from Real Madrid in exchange for Isco and money. Eric cried, a lot that day and Janssen was there to support him. The atmosphere in the club wasn’t nice either, no one wanted Dele to leave, certainly not Harry Kane. He took it the hardest, but Dele had made it clear that this was for  _the best._ Maybe it was, Eric finally got a chance to move on, without having to see Dele almost every single day. Eric deleted his phone number too, and all their pictures, with tears sliding down his cheeks.  _So many tears wasted on you,_ he thought. 

Vincent was his rock, everyone has that one person who are the light in the end of the tunnel. Eric had always thought that Dele would be that person, but he turned out not to be. Something good came out of this situation too, Eric thought, friendship. Vincent was his best friend, he didn’t replace Dele, he just reminded Eric of what he had been missing. He was the first person who would actually hold his hand without it being his parents. No feelings involved, just pure friendship, Eric decided to hold on to that, because he would never be able to thank Vincent enough. 

In an argument with Harry Kane, everything became a mess  _again._ "You’re the reason why he left" H said, with tears in his eyes, almost screaming. This time it wasn’t at the training ground, it was at a FIFA tournament over at Kyle Walker’s place. He had invited every single one of the players in the team but only about half of them could make it. Everyone got to witness their argument, H’s tears and his voice filled with anger meanwhile Eric just stood there, in the center of the room taking all the shit, because he knew that it was the truth. Dele had moved clubs,  _all because of him._

"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scream, or blame you in this situation. I just miss him, that’s all." Harry said five minutes after he had calmed down. They had went into separate rooms at Kyle’s house to calm themselves down. 

"Don’t apologise, I know that it’s my fault. I’m the one who shall be apologising. I have made it shit for everybody now." Eric now said with a shaky voice, tear filled eyes and trembling hands.

"No, this was a choice Dele made all by himself. We couldn’t have changed anything, not even you." Kyle joined the conversation. And ouch...  _"not even you"_ hurt, like a lot. 

 

 **Latest news: Dele Alli and hot model girlfriend Ruby Mae on luxury vacation with Harry Kane and his longterm girlfriend Kate. Click here to see all the pictures the duo has been sharing so far.** An article liked by one of his team mates Ben Davies was the first thing that popped up on his Twitter a month later. He read a few reply’s back and forth between Ben and Dele, and for the first time in months, he felt nothing, nothing at all. The pictures were mostly of Dele and Harry being silly around each other, only a few of the pictures included their girl friends, Eric noticed. 

A week later their time off had ended, and it was time for a new season. Eric was excited, the last one had ended well. They came second in the league, just behind Chelsea but a head of Arsenal for the first time in a long time, since 21 years back to be precise. And it felt good, so good. No Totteringham’s day or any other jokes Arsenal and their fans had made in previous seasons happened, which had been nice for a change. He looked forward to play in the Champions League, their new season at Wembley and to welcome their new signing  **Isco**. 

In the draw for the Champions League groups Spurs ended up against Leverkusen again, Real Madrid and Benfica. Not impossible profits but to say the least severe of three pointers, Real Madrid made Eric nervous. Not for Ronaldo leading the way with his beautiful right foot, but that Dele now played there and gained a place in the starting XI squad from the season started. Eric was also a given player in Tottenham's starting eleven, but as a CB now and not defensive midfielder, this meant that he would have Dele against them for almost the entire match. Crap.

The only positive thing Eric sees with the group is that he has a few months to prepare himself, because the Champions league group stage doesn’t start until in the middle of September. The first match is luckily home against Leverkusen, after that, Spurs head to the Santiago Bernabeu Stadium, Real Madrid's home stadium. Wow, Eric thinks. But until then.. he keeps his fingers crossed for him to be mentally prepared to face Dele again, after a few months apart.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter contained lots of theories about the future, everything is of course imaginary though.  
> I have my fingers crossed that Dele won’t go to Real Madrid in exchange of Isco and money, but it has been rumored a long time now and it fitted well into this story line. I wish for no one to take any offense!
> 
> Please feel free to leave kudo's and comments below, it means a lot!


	3. The Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Speaking of Dele, as Eric looked out of the window next to him, he saw him. There he was, the person who broke his heart into a million pieces, the same person who made Eric fall in love. Only, now, he looked different somehow and that made Eric calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at the end of the chapter for my notes.

2 months later it was finally time, time for Spurs to make their way to Real Madrid and make a larger footprint in the Champions League than they did with their 2-0 home victory over Leverkusen in the opening game. Real Madrid had got a draw against Benfica away from home. So the ball was more or less in Spurs advantage. Thankfully. 

When they arrived in Real Madrid the first they did was to check into the hotel they were staying at. Eric was unsurprisingly sharing a room with Vincent, meanwhile Kyle Walker shared his with Danny Rose in the hotel room right beside theirs. 

The bus ride to Santiago Bernabéu Stadium was nerve wrecking for Eric, he felt the anxiety crawling under his skin and his heart was beating too fast, to say the least. 

He thought everything would disappear when they arrived, but it only got worse, and Eric felt like a small fish in a big sea to be fair. “I can't do this” he said when Vincent moved to get off the bus. “Of course you can, it's been a few months. He is the one who shall feel like he can't make it” Vincent said referring to Dele. Speaking of Dele, as Eric looked out of the window next to him, he saw him. There he was, the person who broke his heart into a million pieces, the same person who made Eric fall in love. Only, now, he looked different somehow and that made Eric  _ calm. _ Maybe they both had changed? Maybe it didn't have to be nerve wrecking? So Eric got off the bus, with Vincent's arm around his shoulders. What Eric didn't expect though was for Dele to stop walking, turning his whole body in the direction of Eric, only to look him straight into the eyes with the most look of guilt he has ever seen.  _ Dele really was sorry. _

When it was time for the game Eric felt more calm than he thought he would be, with Dele only a few meters behind him, his whole mentality was focused on this game. They would fight for minimum 90 minutes, that was what Poch demanded from the players in the starting line-up, which included Eric. With “The Champions” theme song to start rolling in the speakers of the stadium, the whole stadium exploded when the referee whistled off the first half. Eric looked around him, the whole stadium was filled with the colors of Real Madrid, flags, supporter songs and screams. It was incredible, but it wasn't as good as a home game. 

“Eric?” Dele said his name which was the first time in months when they were standing close to each other during a free kick in Real Madrid's favor.

Eric pretended like he didn't hear and put all his focus on the free kick. Ronaldo struck the free kick 15 meters outside the penalty area just over the bar but Lloris got his fingertips on it, resulting it into a corner. When the corner came, Eric had to cover Dele, while the other center-backs chose other players before him. Unfortunately.

Dele pulled Eric down in his own penalty area deliberately and Eric fell against the pitch with Dele next to him.

"What the fuck is your problem?"

"This was apparently the only way to get in touch with you"

"So you decided to consciously pull me down? How mature Dele, you haven't changed a damn thing since last time."

"Oh, so mister Eric Dier is an expert in other people's feelings or what?"

Now they both stood up on their feet, millimeters apart and screamed their hearts out. Soon enough , several of the players from each team pulled Eric and Dele apart.  Then the referee asked the two of the to come forward to hold a conversation with him, it resulted in separate yellow cards and they both got a warning.

“This is so stupid” said Eric while he jogs away from that part of the pitch, in a quiet tone but at the same time loud enough for Dele to hear. 

 

The rest of the game goes well, Eric doesn't have to be much around Dele, instead he switched position with Jan and Dele seems to believe that his attempt to connect with Eric was useless. The game ended 2-2 after goals by Ronaldo and Harry Kane in the first half. Not even five minutes into the second half Dele made it 2-1 for the home team.  With around 15 minutes left Eriksen scored a late screamer for Spurs, an impossible ball for Keylor Navas to save. Their fans who had travelled all the way from London to be there got absolutely mental. Eric couldn't stop smiling, even if a part of him felt really shitty being around Dele, the fans never failed to put a smile on his face. 

 

The Real Madrid players was devastated on the other hand, especially Dele. He sat on his half of the pitch, with his head buried in his hands. It wasn't until former Tottenham player Gareth Bale helped Dele up to his feet that Eric saw his tears. Spurs was now the leader of the group on five points, while Real Madrid were close behind with four. 

Everything was weird in the locker room too, no one barely talked with Eric besides Vincent. Eric felt like a nobody. 

“Does anyone wanna join me and Dele to catch up?” Said H, of course, there you have it. Eric was waiting for this moment. 

He was surprised when everyone raised their hands, apart from himself and Vincent. No one of the guys were specifically conditioned shocked that they were the only ones who not wanted to come. They all had seen what happened on the pitch, but no one dared to share their opinions about it.  _ Lame,  _ Eric thought.

Himself and Vincent showered and changed clothes for a night out in the city of Madrid. Eric had his fingers crossed that someone would understand him when he used his Portuguese to order food. They ended up in some kind of tapas restaurant with the most delicious food ever, it filled their mouths with so many different flavours.

“This food is amazing” Vincent said, Eric could only hum in response. 

“Are you feeling okay? What actually happened out there?”  _ Oh here we go… _

“Wasn't it obvious?” Eric responds with a rude tone. 

“It looked like he tried to consciously trap you, did he say anything to you?”

“No, nothing special. Nothing I would care about anyways”

“Jeez Eric”

“What Vincent? Whose side are you actually on?” Eric asked, sounding impatient. 

“Yours of course, is that even a relevant question? I'm just saying that you maybe are being a little hard on him, maybe you should give him a chance to explain”

“Are you serious? Dele is nothing more than a homophobic asshole, I was his best friend and he let me down, of all people, it was him who did it.” 

“I know, you're right. I'm wrong, sorry. Let's talk about something else.”

They started talking about everything between earth and heaven, but Vincent's words didn't leave Eric's head for the whole evening.  _ Maybe you should give him a chance to explain.  _ But, what was it to explain really? His reason for being homophobic?  No, and it didn't really matter, because, it was too late, it really was too late. 

  
  



	4. Is it too late?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But I think it's too late, What do you think, is it too late?” Dele asks and looks over at Eric.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at the end of the chapter for my notes.

“Dele was really stupid for doing what he did” Vincent tells Eric on their way home from the nightclub, where they drank way too much shots with too little water in between.

“What do you mean?” Eric looks into Vincent's eyes, they are now standing outside their hotel room, leaning against the wall.

“I'm just saying, If I was Dele, I would never let you go, I'd choose you in a heartbeat”

“Do you think things happens to us by chance or by choice?” Eric furrows his brows while asking

“In what way?” Vincent asks

“Faith. Do you believe in faith?” Eric asks while Vincent leans his face closer.

“I don't know, but considering you are here with me, right now, means the universe is working in my favour”

 

Maybe the universe were working in my favour, too. Eric thought, before he looked into Vincent's eyes, down at his lips then back in his eyes. Before he moved his face closer to Vincent's face and kissed him. Everything was at it was meant to be. Because finally the other guy I had been pining over was all of a distant…. 40 feet away, Eric realised when he opened his eyes again.

“Eric?”

His heart was beating 190 times per second. Dele was so beautiful, Eric couldn't believe it. Vincent took Eric's hand in his right after he followed Eric's gaze to Dele and began walking over to him.

 

“Hey man” Vincent said

“Hey” Dele said, looked at Vincent before looking over at Eric.

“Who did you come with?”

“Nobody, I came with Harry, but, he stayed in the lobby.”

“What are you doing here then?” Vincent said and smiled

“You don't wanna know” Dele answered

“I do” Eric said and looked at Dele

“Well I was dating this girl, this great girl, but things got complicated. And I didn't wanna hurt her, but ended up hurting somebody else” Dele said with glossy eyes.

“I've regret my decision the past few months, I tried to show it a few times and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it so Harry told me you would be here.” Dele continued.

“But I think it's too late, What do you think, is it too late?” Dele asks and looks over at Eric.

 

I was confused, I didn't know if I should listen to my head, Eric thought and looked over at Vincent, or my heart Eric, thought and looked over at Dele. So he went with his hand, and took Vincent's in his, earning a smile from him.

“I'm so sorry. But I think you're right. It's too late” Eric said with glossy eyes and a fake smile, earning a fake smile back from Dele who immediately walked passed them and down the staircase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The majority of this chapter was inspired by the relationship between Matty McKibben and Jenna Hamilton from the TV-series Awkward. Hope you enjoyed it!


	5. Our bad past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No. I want another chance.” Dele confesses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at the end of the chapter for my notes.

The next day when Eric wakes up, his head is throbbing. He haven't felt that way in a long time. Not since he got turned down by Dele. Speaking of Dele, this situation was messed up. Vincent was lying in the other bed, a meter away from Eric and to say this situation was complicated was only the first name. Soon enough Vincent starts moving around in the bed and Eric panics, because he doesn't know what to say or how to explain himself.

“I know it was the alcohol” Vincent confesses.

“What do you mean?” Eric asks.

“You kissed me because of the alcohol”

“That's not entirely true” Eric states.

“Be honest with me Eric”

“I am being honest, I wouldn't just do that because of the alcohol, and I didn't even know that Dele was there” Eric speaks desperately.

“Okay” Vincent says

“Okay?” Eric looks like a question mark.

“I trust you then” Vincent says as he changes his clothes and gestures for the two of them to leave the room, probably for them to get some breakfast”

 

When they get down in the cafeteria all the boys are already there, no one really notices that the two of them joins the others. After they have picked out breakfast they settle down at the table with Sonny, Wimmer and Harry Winks. They greet each other and small talk a little about the game before Sonny brings up a sensitive subject, which includes a get together, or as in any other case, a party at Dele's place.

“I know that you have a bad past together” Sonny begins “but it doesn't have to be” Sonny continues “not for the rest of your life at least”

“I don't know” Eric responds and looks over at Vincent.

“I don't have anything against it” Vincent states.

 

What is happening? Eric thinks, why wouldn't Vincent have anything against it… Did he forget the part when Dele showed up last night?

 

“Hey guys, are you up for the party at Dele's place?” Harry Kane walks over to their table and looks right into Eric's eyes.

“Me and Kevin will join in” Sonny confesses and earns a smile from Harry, Eric notes.

“Vincent?” Harry asks.

“Sure mate” Vincent answers and makes a handshake with H which they have practiced on at trainings.

“I understand if you don't wanna go, but I think Dele would really appreciate it, it would help him move on, or get a little bit of closure.” H looks right into Eric's eyes with the most hopeful look ever.

Eric's head is spinning, memories of the past months, of last night, and the image of Dele pops up into his head. Before Eric has got a chance to think through it, he answers “Sure, I'll come” and earns a thankful look from H.

 

The rest of the day is quiet, Eric told Vincent that he needed some time for himself so Vincent joined Sonny and Kevin out in the city to go shopping. Eric gets his time to think, of what he feels and what he _wants,_ but sometimes what you want isn't what you really _need_ … Eric realize.

 

When they arrive at Dele's house, Eric is oddly enough calm. He stands behind the others but he is still the only one that Dele's gaze gets stuck on when he opens the door. He notice how Dele tries to say something, but his mouth is kept closed, no words come out, but he sees it in Dele's eyes. He sees his desperation.

 

45 minutes into the party the house is filled with people, loud music, booze and loads of talking. Eric tries to undergo the crowd a little bit, and searches for a room which isn't occupied with players playing games of beer pong or never have I ever with booze. He finds a room which seems to be Dele's bedroom, perfect… Eric thinks.

“What are you doing in here?” a voice, way to common for Eric's liking echo in his head.

He turns around and there he is, Dele came in with a glas of water in his hand.

“I just wanted a bit of calm” Eric claims.

“Thank you for coming, it really means a lot to me Eric.” Dele steps closer

“If you've regret yourself for this long, how come you never contacted me?” Eric asks, he isn't sure why he does it but it get's rid of some of the weight in his chest.

“Eric you never wanted to talk to me, you always turned me down. What was I supposed to do?”

“Well, do you blame me then?” Eric asks angrily.

“No” Dele says, a tears slips down his cheek.

“Dele, there is an unrecorded limit of lgbtq people who are afraid to come out with their sexuality during their career. This is because of the macho culture in sport and in the changing rooms. It's fucking wrong to let the sport go before human rights. Hugo wore a captain bandage in the rainbows color. I am afraid to come out, and you were one of those people who should have supported me, instead you let me down.” Eric begins, “With that being said, I'm hoping we can be friends once we get some closure. Not that I'm suggesting that you need closure. But… I do.

So… are we closed? Eric asks with a shaky voice.

 

“No. I want another chance.” Dele confesses. 

“You want another chance?” Eric asks confused.

“I know that I made a lot of mistake, but, I won't screw up again.”

“I came with Vincent” Eric states.

“Yeah, but you can stay… with me.”

“It's not that easy” Eric tries to get the words out right but barely manages too.

“I know that you're not over me Eric, or you wouldn't be here right now.”

  
It was true, Eric thought. I hadn't forgotten about Dele. But I also hadn't entirely forgiven him. I was technically confused.  I can't let my past disappointment cloud my judgment. It's holding me back, I just didn't know from _who_. Was it from Vincent or from Dele? Eric wondered. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfic is coming to an end, but I hope you enjoyed it and enjoys the last chapter which I will upload tomorrow or on Monday. Stay tuned. x


	6. I love you, don’t you mind?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you win the fight against yourself, you will win all competitions in this world. It's always you or your ego who refrain you from moving forward” which was a quote by famous karate fighter, Sensei James Kouame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at the end of the chapter for my notes.

The next day, Eric felt tired of hiding. The whole world goes on and on about love. Poets spend their lives writing about it. Everyone thinks it's the most wonderful thing. But, when you mention two guys in love, they forget all that and freak out, Eric thinks. He wants to change that, it’s about time that someone from the sport industry spoke out loud on their sexuality. Not only because he wants to stop living a lie, but because the record league of homophobia found in the world of football and around a big part of the fans must have a beginning of the end. 

Eric decided to sit down with Sonny. He needed some advice and Sonny was the best person to explain and talk with. Sonny told him something really important about himself and he loved him for it. "If you win the fight against yourself, you will win all competitions in this world. It's always you or your ego who refrain you from moving forward” which was a quote by famous karate fighter, Sensei James Kouame.

Sonny asked a lot about Eric’s feelings too, which was very hard and emotional for Eric to deal with. He tried to avoid the war inside, and the anxiety that crept inside his skin. He had learned to take care of himself better, and to relieve the panic attacks. But today, it felt heavier than ever. He felt an immense loneliness, loss and a generally depressed feeling inside.

When he was walking back to his hotel room, he realized some important things, he got a real eye-opener about his own future. He concluded that he was in need to stop fighting against himself and accept where he was in life. He needs to let this time in his life motivate him to let go of all the things that are holding him back.

When he came back to the hotel room, Vincent had packed his suitcase, because they were travelling back to London the same afternoon. He suggested that they needed to talk, and Eric agreed, it was hopeless to postpone it more. They needed to talk, and they needed to talk now.

“Do you love him?” Vincent asks when they face each other in the hotel room. 

“I don’t want to..” Eric admits.

“But you do anyway?” Vincent asks

“I do” Eric says

“You gonna tell him?” Vincent asks

“He doesn’t feel the same..” Eric answers

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you, I see the way you look at him. As if no one else cares in the world as long as you’re both in the same place it’s okay. It’s unofficially official and everyone knows it but you. You’re both too oblivious to see that it’s possible to fall for someone you weren’t supposed to. Face it, he’s all you think about, all you talk about when he’s not around. You fell for him. Maybe he fell for you too.” Vincent says and surprisingly doesn't look hurt.

“I had no intention of falling for him. He tripped me…” Eric says with teary eyes

“I know, but sometimes two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together. Vincent admits

“How come you are so nice to me? After all of this?” Eric asks

“Because you're my best friend, you and me were never meant to be Eric. I wouldn't have kissed you back if it wasn't for the alcohol running in my blood, I realized that when Dele showed up. I didn't feel sad or anything, I felt happy, for you.

Eric hugged Vincent. They stayed like that for what felt like hours until Vincent eventually pulled away and said, “You gotta tell him though, otherwise you will be the saddest king in prom land, and I can't let that happen.”  

 

Eric packs his bag in the hotel room when Vincent left to hang out with H. At some point he hears loud knocks on the door and Eric opens the door. There Dele stood, with tear filled eyes, a complete mess, like he haven't been sleeping for days, but, it's the same warm brown that Eric fell in love with.

Dele took his hand in his, carefully spreading his fingertips as Eric tries to pull away. But he won't let him. Not this time. Not ever again.

“What are you doing?” Eric demands.

“Feel here” Dele places his hand on his heart. “Do you feel it?”

“Feel what?” Eric's eyebrows furrows. “Your heart?”

“Mhm, It's broken” Dele begins, “I love you. I'm totally and completely in love with you. And I don't care if it's too late, I'm telling you anyways.” Dele continued and now the tears were sliding on his cheeks. Eric catch them with his thumb, and hugged him. Dele's hid his face in the curve of Eric's neck.

“I love you still” Eric whispered back in Dele's ear.

“You do?”

“Never stopped” Eric admitted.

Dele made some space between them before he asked “Can I kiss you?”

“I don't know, why don't you try to find out?” And so Dele did, he leaned in. He pecked Eric's lips, and soon their lips moved together. Eric felt sparks fly in the air, his heart was beating out of his chest. Dele opened his mouth for Eric to enter with his tongue, they started fighting a battle that Dele wins and that's when Eric moans for the first time. Dele pushes himself closer to Eric, standing in between his legs while having his hands arounds Eric's upper body.

They break the kiss and look into each others eyes while trying to steady their breath. Eric feels like a tomato as he suddenly became shy in front of Dele.

Dele intertwines his fingers with Eric's and whispers "I've been waiting weeks for this moment" and looks down at their intertwined hands. Eric kisses Dele's temple and says "Me too Delboy, me too."

 

**FIN.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here it is guys. The final chapter of this love story filled with drama and heartbreak, but I wanted a happy ending.. It felt like the right ending for this story. 
> 
> I wanna thank every single one of you who have taken their time to read this fanfic and for everyone that have left comments, kudos etc, it means a lot. x 
> 
> I also want to assure you that English is not my native language, therefore I apologize for potential grammatical or spelling errors. 
> 
> Right now I'm not working on any new fanfic. But I want to offer you guys the chance to submit your requests in the comments below or any potential suggestions. You could also send me an email if you feel like it, and you can find it on my profile! 
> 
> All the love!

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to leave kudo's and comments below, it means a lot!


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